I'M BACK AND I'M BROWN!

Check out those tan lines baby! And they say that Gingers can't get tanned! WELL in 40degrees with enough Hawaiian Tropic factor 4 oil (and some 2nd degree burns later) I HAVE ACHIEVED THE IMPOSSIVBLE! My skin is the colour of my hair!

PS I miss my loulou.

Yes Megan fox's thumb is weird. Happy Friday!

Check this out.

No liv

There is a distant lack of liv today : ( no lunch club, no laughter and no multiple tea rounds. Its proper shit. On top of that I got ready in 13 minutes and you can sooo tell. I didnt even touch my hair this morning and have no 'eyes' on..she would have laughed and probably would have looked worse which would have made me feel better.

I also have to pick film stills...the scaredness has returned.

Its like she was a dream.

DO NOT DISTURB

A story about a mid-afternoon poo:

"It was fucking emotional. It was really good and then it went all weird and loud. I probably had to clench my cheeks to stifle the noise because other mid afternoon poo and weeers were coming in. I hate, wish I had my own ‘do not disturb’ sign on that frigging door. I get all nervous and squeak"

We've all been there.

Liv's flirting

Be aware. It can strike from anywhere, you could literally write ' thanks' on the end of an email and shes there singing or writing words to a song you have never even heard of and then will re-tell the story within minutes, avec total embarrassment.

This is why I love Liv soooo much.

Combinations...

Have you ever been watching the telly and thought to yourself "That Dec and Ant are really funny..."? No? I didn't think so. 

That's because this combinations is backwards and in being backwards is by its very nature both evil and wrong.

I can think of a few combinations I DO like...

Tea and milk...

Gin and tonic...

Fish and chips...

Love and marriage...

and a few that I DON'T like...

Hit and run...

Rape and pillage...

Old and saggy...

But no combination is worse than what we are faced with this afternoon in London.

TUBE STRIKE AND TORRENTIAL RAIN!

Small fanny opinion haters

We seem to have birthed our very first 'small fanny hater' for this lady thinks Cheryl's fanny is of suitable size because she 'said it HERSELF' or what not. Seriously tone and all..don't you think our blog is tongue in cheek?? NO ok then. People of these thoughts are the people that say 'Can you move down please on buses and tubes' when they are packed like a fat kids christmas present.

Chill out love..streatham east london vogue we merely blog about things that amuse us, jog on if you don't get it we never asked you to get passionate.

On other news, liv bought us in yummy croissants and Ive just seen Lohan has a small fanny in those leggings...

ta ra sweetheart xx

iSnoop enables me to see the future.

And I am ALWAYS right.

Womens instinct is strong and true.

I said "no...no...no..."

This may look like a nothing picture, but you would be wrong in thinking so.

It is in fact an EVERYTHING picture, as it encompasses the full action I was trying to denote and it sums up perfectly how I feel, RIGHT NOW.

My finger is wagging an almighty but subtle NO to my workplace. 

And why is it wagging?

Because someone thinks that it's ok to make things up and then pass the buck.

Well. It aint.

Maths

Strike+early=up earlier/makeup time+hair straightening time-lunch making time because im off out for lunch+getting stuff ready to stay round adams= nice one..and its raining.

Chucking and Strikes

These are 2 things I have very much so. Mainly because I am on earlies which means I must start at 8.30..fine if its sunny but its not is it..its raining. There will also be a strike on which means I have to find other ways to make getting up early even more fun, probably earlier. Oh and the strikes a right laugh. What better way to just deal with the recession like everyone else than to call a strike on over pay. Thats awesome, can't they just wallow in their own woe about pennies behind closed doors rather than to stop all the tubes. Plus they get 40 days holiday.
I could go on but I am probably *CHUCK* just going try and wrestle a tube driver because there is nothing I can do about this.

Oh and I don't like things being thrown at me..not even paper products.

I am happy inside though, just though you needed to know my concerns for the day.

Don't worry LouLou...

She may be fit, but some of the poses are more "Oops I tripped and fell into the arms of a friendly Polar Bear that was floating on a heap of clouds whilst running round the arctic in me pants" than "Ooh come here and bum me big boy."

You're hotter.

Fox

Megan Fox..we all know you're fit, get over it.

Fanny-Too-Small

All i'm gonna say is that Cheryl is even skinnier than before and she's wearing leather trousers that are BAGGYLICIOUS in the fanny area. My comment: 'Cheryl Cole needs a bigger fanny' is entirely justified.

Just LOOK at the evidence.

ZEBRA TIIIIMES

Fashion... I'm so shoreditch I want to be sick.

I also have important fashion considerations each day.

But there is one staple that will NEVER be messed with.

The black legging is my friend. It goes with all outfits and shouldn't be poopooed as an American Apparel generation gimmick. The black legging is here and it's here to stay.

HOWEVER... today in the 7.45am madness that is me getting dressed, I made the heinous mistake of picking up NAVY BLUE thinking it was BLACK.

Error. I have been known to branch out from black (I recently bought zebra leggings and I love them) but in general, it is a gruesome no-no to pick up the wrong pair.

Each morning I spend a good 35 seconds, meticulously choosing what T-Shirt will go best with which leggings. This process is considerably easier due to the 80% black weighting of my leggings collection. But what does one do when a spanner is thrown in the works and one realises on the way to the bathroom (when one sees the first sunlight of the day as one hasn't opened ones blinds yet) that she is in NAVY and not black?

PANIC. 

That's what.

And then do the only thing a girl can do in this situation.

Put on the whackiest socks she can find to try and divert the attention.

Liv.

FASHION...im so Streatham Vogue

I always have important fashion things to do. Here was mine this morning.

what tights have no holes in..if any?
Oh you can see my bra under my tshirt but I don’t have a staple white one so I’ll just wear bright orange.
you can see it really bad so ill put this granny/john robinson cardy on.
I don’t want to get out of bed so ill have more than 30 mins lay in and just hope that my hair doesn’t look too greasy.
ill clean out my right ear with an ear bud but I don’t have many so I wont do the left because that’s under my hair.
leather jacket because I do know I cant wear 2 denims.
you can see my stomach with tights when my tshirt rides up..oh well.

A day of sadness yet reflection.

I am sitting next to Liv and can hear her tapping on the keys doing work stuffs. Except come Thursday I will hear no more tapping..not even from me as Thursday is a day of true sadness. Not petty silly sadness but the day in which I realise that this whole universe is a pile of poo. 'Theres no room at the inn'..yeah you don't say as I watch her sail away on her freelance boat into the depths of reality tv mens and 'duke' gate.

For there is no more work for Liv and this is because of some twat in the US who borrowed too much money from the bank to buy a big house with a swimming pool and now its all gone really tits up and im left without my work friend...thats all rather deep so I'll throw a big finger wag 'mazin salute to that.

On other news, Siavash is my new best tv friend, im frigging shit at cycling and yet again my hair dye is fading.

LOU

OMG! Cairon is Duke...

Tea for One

Dear Lou,

Today I drank from your cup because you were gone. It's a strange and lonely thing making tea for one. It's a little bit like putting on your leggings to discover someone has cut one leg off and your actually wearing hot pants on one side. Yes, that's right, you being gone makes me feel like my left cheek is exposed.

Liv.

Cairon (18) vs. Ashley (20)

Liv:

I have an obsession. 

I love black men.

Ok so here's the crack...

Cairon Austin-Hill aka "Cassanova" (that's what his pa calls him cos he reckons he's a bit of a playa...) of Big Brother 10 fame is an 18 year old student from Florida. His friends say that sometimes he can be a "sarcastic prick..." maybe that's because one day he wants to be a Hip Hop superstar. And if he's gonna try and be the new Snoop Dogg then it follows that his favourite activites are "drinking, smoking and partying." 'Maizin. 

Ashley Banjo aka "BanJOY" (that's what I call him cos that's what his face brings me...) of Britain's Got Talent winners fame is a 20 year old student from London. He's also frontman and choreographer of his dance group Diversity. This boy can move. He's also super fuckin' clever and is studying to be a scientist. Ooh Dr. Banjo! Unfortunately he's widely known as a fitty fit fit which might be going to his fit head.'Maizin.

I am now faced with a very difficult decision.

What sounds best?

Olivia Banjo or Olivia Austin-Hill?

GravyTea

I'm not crying. It's just gravy tea pulling water from my eyes.

We're Liv and Lou.